17th September 2026
Rabbi Scott’s latest blog for Yom Kippur
Atonement is no small thing. You first have to acknowledge to yourself that you have wronged another either intentionally or unintentionally, and that can be very hard to do. None of us want to think of ourselves capable of doing something wrong to someone else; much less bring ourselves to actually acknowledge it. Then you have to build up the fortitude to overcome your hesitation, embarrassment, anger, pain, even grief to approach someone whom you have wronged and apologize for what you did in hopes of making tshuvah, repentance, with them.
In my experience, the hardest part is not actually making the apology; it’s coming to own that you actually have wronged someone first. After all, arguments and disagreements usually involve more than one person, and all parties usually feel some level of offense or embarrassment or pain. It is hard to ignore that pain and struggle you might feel and even the feeling that perhaps the other party or parties owe you an apology as well. It is very easy to stand on that ground and say, “not me first, you!” or “I will, but only if you do it too.” These are barriers that can turn from sand to stone over time and become harder and harder to get past to actually resolve the problems. There are people who spend decades not speaking to someone because of this insistence of reciprocity and that is time that can never be regained.
I have two suggestions to make from our Jewish tradition about making repentance, especially when it is hard to do. First, do an internal 360 degree around yourself and ask yourself, who (if anyone) do I have any outstanding issues with? They could be major or minor, or more often minor ones that became major ones. Either way, look at them and admit to yourself what part you may have played in them. Then try to make some overture towards repentance for your part of the problem. Don’t assume or expect a reciprocation; that isn’t why we make repentance. We do it to clear ourselves and our souls for the new year, regardless of whether the other person can do the same or not. Second, if you cannot bring yourself to reach out to another for whatever reason, give yourself some grace and forgive yourself. This may not be the right time, season, year or circumstances for you to try and rebuild or repair that broken bridge between you and others. The fact that you know and own that there is something broken or damaged between you though is an important step in making tshuvah. Maybe later the opportunity will present itself for you to do it and then you will be ready to try. Remember, our tradition teaches us that G-d is always ready and waiting for us to make tshuvah and will be there to bless it when it finally happens.
May all of our MRS family and their families too have a tzoom kal, an easy fast, a g’mar tov, a happy ending to the Ten Days of Repentance, and a sweet new year!
23rd July 2026, Tisha B’Av
Rabbi Scott’s thoughts on his and Donni’s first week in Manchester
This week is my first week on the job as the rabbi of Manchester Reform Synagogue and I’m just figuring out to use the Bee Network, learn what things like Toad in the Hole and Spotted Dick are, and being asked on which I stand of the dividing line between Red and Blue. My wife Donni is experiencing similar ah-ha moments, and we anticipate so many more as we acclimate to Manchester. It has not been lost on me that in the midst of us trying to integrate into Manchester and meeting so many welcoming and friendly people along the way we are also encountering Tisha B’Av (the 9th day of the Hebrew month of Av) on Thursday, June 23rd.
Tisha B’Av historically marks the days of destruction of both the First and Second Temples, but our ancestors used it as a catch-all date for mourning and remembrance. Many historic tragedies happened around this date or season including the expulsion of Jews from England in 1290. We have historically marked this day with fasting and the reading of the biblical book of Lamentations which is an epic poem of loss and blame and anguish regarding the destruction of the First Temple and the expulsion of the Jews from Israel as part of the Babylonian Exile. Today many still mark the holiday through fasting, abstaining from pleasurable activities – Jewish summer camps in the United States will close their swimming pools for the day, for example – and the communal reading of Lamentations while sitting on the ground rather than furniture similar to what a mourner at a traditional shiva might do.
Our Sages proposed many reasons why G-d allowed the Temples to be destroyed on this day in history, but the most well-known reason they say is because of sin’nat chinam, senseless hatred. We as a community were so divided even back then over issues such as politics, observance, rabbinic authority and other issues (sound familiar?) that we could not see past what divided us to the common humanity amongst all of us. If we were going to treat each other so adversarial and inhumane, then G-d was not going to remain with us in The Temple. G-d withdrew from the Temples, so we are told, and let our enemies destroy those sacred places as punishment for our wretched treatment of each other, all of whom were (and are) made in G-d’s image.
My wife Donni and I have been so warmly welcomed here in Manchester this past week and people have done some wonderful things to help us get settled. The possibility of the local community engaging in sin’nat chinam seems remote to us. But at the same time, Tisha B’Av arrives to remind us that we all have the capacity to think and act negatively in ways that can cause real pain and destruction to others be they strangers or loved ones. This Tisha B’Av, don’t let the day go by without doing or saying something positive to someone. Family or friend or stranger, let someone know that you see them, that they matter, and that you believe in a world not dominated by senseless hatred but by ahavat rabbah, abundant love.